UnknownDestinies lies ahead

Sunday, May 25, 2008

had a weird day today..
was all emo-fied since the moment i woke up..

bathed.. ate breakfast.. read newspaper..
all in silence..

went to church.. still quiet..
i didn't know what was really wrong today..
all i wanted to do is stay quiet for as long as i could..

went for mass..
still haven't spoke more than 3 sentences..

sat beside corde and ce..
becca was one ce's right and marianne on her right..
andre and roy joined us later..
all of us shifted right on the pew(church bench)..

still silent..
only said something when we were supposed to..
during the homily(the speech/explanation after the gospel) all i could do was hang my head and stare at the kneelers..
totally emo-ing la..

could see corde, ce, becca looking and wondering what's wrong with me from the side of my eyes..
didn't attempt to move at all..
drifted away..
and closed my eyes..
felt quite nice..
peaceful in the aircon and just the homily heard.. occasionally becca and ce giggling..

yea..
then andre tried to be funny..
stretched behind corde to tap me on my right from the left to wake me up and retracted very fast..
could see la.
then i saw roy looking at me..
using 2 fingers.. pointed at his eyes.. and pointed back to me..
and mouthed the words
"i'm watching you"

yea..
under lots of scrutiny nowdays 'cos i'm getting too close to becca..
she's everyone's gem so everyone like 'checking' me out like that..
well i'm the joker/stitch/xiao tian shi of our youth group..
around on par..
but still..

yea..
during the peace-ing session..
no pun intending..
everyone was like..
offering their hands to me and asking why i so stone..
"yea i'm fine"
a bit no link answer..

becca offered her hand..
i somehow missed that it was for me and i leaned back for corde to take it..
like first time in lots of masses i didn't shake her hand to peace..
..

then becca poked me from behind ce and asked what's wrong..
i just shaked my head..

the emo-ing feeling was still there..

after mass becca was like trying to cheer me up..
trying to use her usual giggle to make me smile..
didn't really work..
then asked me again..
"what time did you sleep?"

'cos she, ce, ivy, cassie and alvin decided on this strange system that determines my mood according to what time i sleep..
like..
sleep early(-12)=normal mode
sleep late(12-1)=default mode
sleep very late(1-2)=ultra default mode
sleep super late or never sleep at all(2-)=dead
yea..
and when i'm in default mode i'll be super high..
and super lame..
ultra default mode is total stone and emo..
alvin came up with this..
my fellow evil angel..
(i'm the good angel by the way)

yea..
then was like..
just standing around waiting for the meeting to start..
then i saw her.
again.

was effectively avoid her for so long..
and ignoring her if i see her for so long..
and there she was just staring at me with those eyes again..
geez..

left she left with her brother and parents..
jacinta came over to tell me to go sit with cheryl joann and calista..
then went to sit.
vincent then joined us..
in a totally non-mass attire..
yea..
he missed mass..
and was dressed for badminton after the meeting..
looked weird on him..
oh well..
he's got kids and wife anyway.. no need to attract more ladies.

then my phone vibrated..
i didn't move..
i just thought who it could be..
becca probably.. or andre.. or ce.. or roy..
maybe roy..
'cos roy haven't talked to me regarding the trouble i got into in the mother mary's room and becca's house..

then i took my phone out to see..
guess what..
its her..

that's like the 3rd time she smsed me for no apparent reason since the start of may..
asked why i looked so sad.
didn't reply..

went up for meeting..
shall not say anything..
all i can say that it was a one way war..
like andre is the person standing in front of a firing squad to be shot..
father luke and aunty angela..
augustine.. its all your fault..
making such a big fuss out of nothing..
and thanks for sparking off world war 4..
(ww3 was about me last year.. again involving andre..)

meeting ended at 10.50..
angela rushed for for the sec3 level meeting..
germaine left with terence..
good luck for you pre-u sem..

yea..
i slipped away..
indicated to andre i'll probably be not going for frisbee..
still stuck in the emo-ing mode..

yea..
on my way down the steps..
i thought i shall be nice and reply her for once..

then smsed her..
somehow i felt like a year back..
when we would smsed each other 20-30+ smses a day..
just that this time i was much blatant this time round..
no need to be picky of my words..
she didn't do the same i can see..
still thinking of what to reply still..

i didn't reply her anymore after the 5th or 6th sms..

reached home..
played psp..
lost 2-1 to blackburn..

went for lunch with my mother and sister in ang mo kio hawker..
still was quiet..
got scolded by my mother for that..

more or less entertained becca while she was still stuck in the sec3 level meeting..
she's now with her sr friends..
have fun.

played gunbound..
kinda got owned for much of it..
around 1/4 of the emo-ness still in me..
then other 3/4 came out when i was smsing..

*cheryl just went: 'omg you have a blog?'"

yea..
i think she'll find this..
she managed to find becca's, ivy's, cassie's, germaine's..
shall see..

yea..
she just msned me when i exited gunbound..
she's acting weird..
for the past 3 months we haven't been talking..
when we're both on msn i won't talk to her..
she'll be the one..
she's asking me if i liked canon in D..

yea i know you are super good in piano..
yea i know you are super good in singing..
yea i know you are super good in studying..
..
she was like trying to show the whole world she can play the piano so darn good after the H1 papers on friday..
played the piano outside the auditorium..
of 'cos everyone will crowd over..
yea.
so you felt like a star?
feels good?
good.
now you're one step closer to your dream.

geez.
you admitted it was your fault that's it turned out like this between us..
you just found it fun didn't you..
took me almost a month to get you out of my life back then..
now stop trying to get back in..
..

but coming to think of it..
she was the cause for lots of change in my life..
if it wasn't for her i may not have reached where i am now..

but..
also because of her i'm just stuck in between this barrier and what i really want..

zzz..

hungry now..
shall go and hunt for food..

first real emo post on this blog..
and oh hi stenphel's friends..
hope you don't mind me talking so much on this blog..
please say if i do..

Byez!~

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